Matchbox cheese

When I was a cheesemonger, we used to scorn people who came in and asked for low-fat cheese. In fact, I think we may have thrown one of them out of the shop, although perhaps we didn't actually resort to physical violence.

But these poor people were only seeking some kind of compromise between their desire for cheese and a desire not to look like a savoury version of Augustus Gloop. The cheesemonger party line on dieting is - well, actually, it's 'don't', but if you're in a tolerant mood, it's: try eating a smaller amount of better, stronger flavoured cheese. Parmesan is made with skimmed milk and has such a strong flavour that you're unlikely to want to eat an enormous amount.

I trotted out this platitude quite happily, being unconcerned about my weight, for years. Recently I have found it hard to do up the top button on my jeans, so I have been wondering about regulating my diet a little bit. While in the doctor's waiting room (unrelated reasons) I found a copy of Good Housekeeping that contained what seemed like a perfectly reasonable diet, until I realised that it wanted me to stick to one, single, MATCHBOX-SIZED piece of cheese per day.

I don't care if it's the finest Parmigiano Reggiano, straight from the silver-lined vaults of the banks of Parma and sanctioned by the most respected godfather in all of Cosa Nostra, I want more than a matchbox-worth of cheese! I'll just have to buy a new pair of jeans.